Wanted

Back before Steven was born, I remember hearing that being a new mom can be very lonely.  I dismissed the thought.  I'm an introvert - I thoroughly enjoy alone time!  And I really enjoy all those housey things like cooking, sewing, and gardening.  And I like kids.  Being a mom must be my dream job!

Now I am approaching six months of being a mom.
My life is full of all the joy and satisfaction that I thought it would be.
And I am also incredibly lonely.

It's not that I don't have any friends, but that my kind of "busy" has changed.  Instead of being out and about with a full calendar - with class, work, homework, volunteering, or whatever - I am simply at home.  But it's not like I'm just sitting around!  Between baby, housework, preparing meals, etc. I have all that I can handle and more!  But because I operate in a sphere where very few other people exist, it becomes very easy to feel lonely.  I do what I can to get out to where the people are, but some days/weeks I just don't have the energy.  I also do what I can to include others in my world, but usually it seems that people are much too busy with their own lives.

The following poem is not meant to belittle the friends that I do have here - I appreciate you so much!  It is also not meant to sound "needy" or like a guilt trip.  It is simply an expression of how I have been feeling.  I share it in the hope that it might be meaningful for someone else who also feels lonely, or who has been there before and knows what it is like.


Wanted:
A friend.
Or maybe two.
I really don't need many.

You don't even have to say anything
Just be there
In the room
Maybe hold the baby sometimes
When I need a break
We could walk down the street
For an icecream
Or something.

Or sometimes we could talk
About the weather
About things that matter to us
About anything really
I wouldn't care
If you did all of the talking
I would listen
I'm good at that.

And then on the weekend
We could go to the lake
Throw a frisbee around
With some other friends
That I don't have yet
But I will
Enjoy that game
Someday.

After the baby's in bed
We could watch a movie
A musical perhaps
And sing along
If we wanted to
We could play a game
Because there aren't many
That I can play alone.

But
I know you're busy.

If you ever have a chance to come...
I'll be here.