We teach them so young
To be happy
Smiles and giggles
Rewarded with love and attention
Declared cute and precious
Tickles and cuddles
Laughter
Not tears
We don't want those
Don't want to see them sad
Because we love them
Find out what's wrong
Try to fix it
Offer comfort
But when that's not enough
To restore happiness
We lose our patience
Get upset
Tell them to stop crying
Tell them to be happy
Forget to teach them
That sometimes there are tears
That must be cried
Until they are all gone
That there is pain
That can't be fixed
By a bandaid
Or even a mother's kiss
That sadness is not wrong
And tears are not a sin
Or a flaw
To be apologized for
We teach them so young
Not to feel
Saturday 22 July 2017
Friday 14 July 2017
Nervous
I've been thinking about how I feel nervous around certain people.
It's a certain kind of nervous: A desire to be liked and accepted, while feeling like I will inevitably be rejected. I used to feel like that a lot, especially around popular people. Why would a popular, outgoing person want to be friends with me, when everyone loves them? I used to feel really nervous around people I perceived to be fun and popular. Not so much anymore.
Now there is a very certain sort of person that makes me feel nervous. They are people who are very artistic, skilled with their words, with a compelling stage presence. Their poetry, spoken word pieces, and performances are deep and profound, and they express and evoke emotion in a way that impacts their readers and hearers. I respect and admire them so much. And they make me incredibly nervous.
One reason why is because I really want them to like me. I really really really want them to like me. But it's strange that this stands out, because as a general rule I want everyone to like me, but I don't feel nervous like that around everyone. Normally I can trust that I am generally liked. But for some reason whenever I am around one of these people I feel like I am an awkward fourteen year old again, tripping over myself, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, second guessing and doubting everything that I do. It's bizarre, because for the most part I grew out of that sort of thing a long time ago.
I think maybe it is because in them I see something that I want to be. I don't just want to be liked by them, I want to be respected by them. I want to be accepted as their peer and belong among them. But instead I feel like a fraud, like I don't belong.
I had the privilege of spending enough time around one such person that I actually came to be able to trust that they like me and truly consider me to be a friend. So it is possible. But most of the time I watch them from a distance, hidden in my insecurity, wishing that I could be their friend.
Am I being silly? Maybe. But I decided to write about this because I think I'm not the only one who feels like this sometimes. We all have a deep desire for belonging and acceptance, and we all struggle with doubt and fear. Those people who I look up to and want to be like, they may make me feel nervous, but they are human too. We all are.
It's a certain kind of nervous: A desire to be liked and accepted, while feeling like I will inevitably be rejected. I used to feel like that a lot, especially around popular people. Why would a popular, outgoing person want to be friends with me, when everyone loves them? I used to feel really nervous around people I perceived to be fun and popular. Not so much anymore.
Now there is a very certain sort of person that makes me feel nervous. They are people who are very artistic, skilled with their words, with a compelling stage presence. Their poetry, spoken word pieces, and performances are deep and profound, and they express and evoke emotion in a way that impacts their readers and hearers. I respect and admire them so much. And they make me incredibly nervous.
One reason why is because I really want them to like me. I really really really want them to like me. But it's strange that this stands out, because as a general rule I want everyone to like me, but I don't feel nervous like that around everyone. Normally I can trust that I am generally liked. But for some reason whenever I am around one of these people I feel like I am an awkward fourteen year old again, tripping over myself, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, second guessing and doubting everything that I do. It's bizarre, because for the most part I grew out of that sort of thing a long time ago.
I think maybe it is because in them I see something that I want to be. I don't just want to be liked by them, I want to be respected by them. I want to be accepted as their peer and belong among them. But instead I feel like a fraud, like I don't belong.
I had the privilege of spending enough time around one such person that I actually came to be able to trust that they like me and truly consider me to be a friend. So it is possible. But most of the time I watch them from a distance, hidden in my insecurity, wishing that I could be their friend.
Am I being silly? Maybe. But I decided to write about this because I think I'm not the only one who feels like this sometimes. We all have a deep desire for belonging and acceptance, and we all struggle with doubt and fear. Those people who I look up to and want to be like, they may make me feel nervous, but they are human too. We all are.
Saturday 8 July 2017
Garden 2017: First Harvests
We are able to harvest things from our garden now, which has been really fun! We've had lots of peas, as well as some lettuce, kale, radishes, strawberries, and the carrots that we are thinning. One of Steven's favourite things to do right now is go out to the garden and pick peas for supper. But then he wants to eat all the peas himself and not share with anyone!
We have lots of flowers blooming right now too, which I have really been enjoying!
We have lots of flowers blooming right now too, which I have really been enjoying!
 |
| Baby carrots! |
 |
| Salad time |
 |
| Our front garden in full bloom |
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| I've always been partial to red roses, but these are beautiful! |
Thursday 6 July 2017
Mommy Moments: Probably Not That Doctor
Toddler: Eight silly monkeys jumping on the bed! One fell off and bumped his head!
Me (prompting): Mama called the doctor...
Toddler: Doctor Seuss!
Me (prompting): Mama called the doctor...
Toddler: Doctor Seuss!
Mommy Moments: Where Credit's Due
That moment when you are eating chips with your toddler and he looks down at the floor strewn with chips and crumbs and says, "Mommy made a mess!"
... I'm pretty sure that was all you, child.
... I'm pretty sure that was all you, child.
Tuesday 4 July 2017
Down to Size
Reaching their branches up into the sky
Swaying softly in the breeze that blows by
No fear about food or how they will be clad
Greeting each day, both the good and the bad.
What do the trees know that we do not know?
Whatever our past, it's by God's grace we grow.
Go outside, lift up your eyes,
Let the trees shrink your worries
Down to size.
Unchanged by the seasons, unmoved by the storm
They were still there long before you were born.
Faithful and steady whatever befall,
Safety and shelter for both big and small.
What say the mountains that we cannot hear?
God's love will not change, so there's nothing to fear.
Go outside, lift up your eyes,
Let the mountains shrink your worries
Down to size
Innumerable pinpoints of raw, intense flame,
God made every one and he knows them by name.
Even when they are concealed from our sight
Still they shine bright in the darkest of night.
What is the song that the stars ever sing?
When all hope is gone, know our God is still King.
Go outside, lift up your eyes,
Let the stars shrink your worries
Down to size.
Swaying softly in the breeze that blows by
No fear about food or how they will be clad
Greeting each day, both the good and the bad.
What do the trees know that we do not know?
Whatever our past, it's by God's grace we grow.
Go outside, lift up your eyes,
Let the trees shrink your worries
Down to size.
Unchanged by the seasons, unmoved by the storm
They were still there long before you were born.
Faithful and steady whatever befall,
Safety and shelter for both big and small.
What say the mountains that we cannot hear?
God's love will not change, so there's nothing to fear.
Go outside, lift up your eyes,
Let the mountains shrink your worries
Down to size
Innumerable pinpoints of raw, intense flame,
God made every one and he knows them by name.
Even when they are concealed from our sight
Still they shine bright in the darkest of night.
What is the song that the stars ever sing?
When all hope is gone, know our God is still King.
Go outside, lift up your eyes,
Let the stars shrink your worries
Down to size.
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